Why did the chicken cross the road?

BARACK OBAMA: The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a
CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he
recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the
chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON: When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little
chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified
to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country » read more »

Jesus and Satan were having an on-going argument about who was better on
the computer. They had been going at it for days, and frankly God was
tired of hearing all the bickering. » read more »

You know your wife needs a break from the kids when...

...it's two weeks into the summer break, you get home from work, and she says "How was school today?" (Sure, there are other reasons she might make a slip like this, but I've considered them all, and this is the only one I feel save in verbalizing.)

This story is pretty funny. It seems that a Muslim in England requested a female instructor for his wife, who is a driving student. The school sent a transgendered man (who, based on the photo in the article, isn't doing a particularly good job of passing as a woman). Not surprisingly, this was unacceptable to the Muslim. Of course, the Muslim's attitude was unacceptable to the politically correct morons who think that gender is whatever you want it to be. » read more »

I got to my office early this morning, ready to get a jump on my work day. As I approached the door, I saw that the carpet in the hallway was wet, as though water was coming from behind the wall. I happened to know that behind the wall in that spot was the sink in our breakroom. So, I had a pretty good idea of what I would see when I opened the door. » read more »

A project manager, hardware engineer and software engineer were in a car heading down a hill when the brakes failed. The driver managed to get it stopped by using the gears and a convenient dirt track. » read more »

In my experience, it is a very bad sign when supposedly intelligent people clearly demonstrate that a) they have no sense of humor, and b) they cannot laugh at themselves.

First, check out this video. Now, have a look at this summary of Richard Dawkins' reaction to the video. Recall that this guy is supposed to be an "intellectual."

Sorry, Dick, but you don't get it, and we do. Too funny.

I wish I knew to whom I should give credit for this saying--long a favorite of mine--but I just don't remember from whence I learned it. Nevertheless, many a truth is spoken in jest:

What's the difference between a friend and a good friend? A friend will help you move, no questions asked. A good friend will help you move a body, no questions asked.

So how many friends do you really have? And how many good friends? Or more poignantly, are you a friend to many? Are you a good friend to any?

Here's something new your dog could do.

http://ttrium.com/screenclean....

BIRTH ORDER OF CHILDREN
1st baby: You begin wearing maternity clothes as soon as
your OB/GYN confirms your pregnancy.
2nd baby: You wear your regular clothes for as long as possible.
3rd baby: Your maternity clothes ARE your regular clothes.

Preparing for the Birth
1st baby: You practice your breathing religiously.
2nd baby: You don't bother because you remember that last
time, breathing didn't do a thing.
3rd baby: You ask for an epidural in your eighth month. » read more »