Wives, you clean your husbands' houses. You raise his kids. You fix his dinners. You tend to his sexual needs and desires. You stand by him through thick and thin. Yet, for some reason, he still treats you as a servant, doesn't romance you often enough, and is always failing to make as much effort as you do. What's wrong with him?

What does it take to invest in your husband? You invest in him the way you want him to invest in you. But this is not the way it works. He does not necessarily value the same things you value. For you, having your husband do the dishes just once without being asked may be worth a thousand bucks. But for him, having you do the dishes every day is not worth more than the market value of the labor. What are you missing?

The correct question is, "What does he want?" We each value thing differently, else commerce could not take place. I may value a hundred bucks, but I might value that hundred-dollar jigsaw a little more. If I value the tool more than the money, then a trade is beneficial to me. If the manufacturer sees the jigsaw as worth only 80 bucks (say, his cost), then he'll value the money more, so he, too, sees the trade as beneficial. The key, though, is that different things are valued differently by different people.

Wives may value some things, but husband will value other things. Wives try so hard to please their husbands by doing the very things that they (wives) value. They miss the point. First, learn what the husband values; then, give him that. You may think it's worthless, but it's not your opinion of its value that matters if he's the recipient. Just like good gift-giving, you must give what the other wants, else it's not a good gift.

So what do husbands want? What is a good investment in men? Sure, that next gadget or tool is worth something, but you needn't trade your valuable effort for it when he can trade money. Besides, your effort is worth far more than mere money. One thing men value very highly is something that is hard to come by. This is part of what gives it value to men. They want it at work. They want it in the community. They want it publicly. And they want it at home. Respect.

Men cannot impress upon their wives enough how valuable respect is to them. They make tremendous efforts in their jobs, yet their bosses have little clue of their true worth. They amass great experience, and all they ask is the respect that is proportionately due. They provide well for their families, meeting their every need and often most every desire, yet finding respect at home is the most elusive.

How might a wife show respect for her husband? The answer to this seems elusive to most wives, even those who understand the value respect has for men. Keeping the home is certainly one way, but in totality, not each act. Standing by her husband is a great sign of respect, often literally. I mean, sometimes a wife should literally stand next to her husband, showing others that she is his. In this way, he can demonstrate his pride in his wife. Respect can be demonstrated in conversational subservience: allow him to do the interrupting but don't interrupt him. Don't talk over him, louder than he, or--God forbid--instead of him [i.e., let him be the primary, conversational representative of you as a couple or family]. It's really a small thing, and it's not like she will not have the opportunity to have her full say; but by playing the role of the second, allowing him to be the first, she can show him great respect. (Men must never take advantage of this to the point of depriving their wives of the chance to fully express themselves, but wives should avoid plowing over their husbands--verbally speaking--in order to speak their minds.) Respect his "me" time, time he keeps to himself to relax and recharge. You'll find he'll even need less of this as he finds the respect he so highly values. Biblical obedience is a big way of respecting husbands. This is a huge lesson in itself and requires a Biblical worldview, something most husbands and wives lack, even most Christian ones.

As the man as the king of his castle, the Godly leader of his family, it's important to him that his wife refrain from taking the lead. Wives, don't nag your husbands. Don't talk to them as if they're children. You are not the authority over them, not if you're Godly, so behave as if he is in authority in the family. By doing so, you will be showing him tremendous respect. Give him the chance to hear your thoughts and feelings--men, listen to them!--but then acknowledge his authority in making the decision. Men must not abuse their position of authority, but women must not usurp it either, be it in running a business, keeping the home, or even rearing the children. (Ideally, all these things are partnerships between husband and wife, but the husband is still the one in authority. A separate, lengthy lesson would be to teach men how to wield such authority with grace, delegating when appropriate, and commanding only when absolutely necessary.)

Our modern culture, replete in our sitcoms, for example, promotes female lordship over their bumbling men. This is a destructive trend, sure to eat away at a marriage. Men are ordained to lead and women to follow them. In no way does this diminish the value of women, their opinions, their ingenuity, or their initiative. It simply acknowledges that the buck must stop somewhere, and God said it's with men. Most husbands, frankly, aren't ready to step up to such familial leadership, but if their wives consistently showed them the respect due a leader, these men will, more often than not, step up to their God-given roles.

Let men treat you women as queens. Let them hold the door for you. Let them fight for you (hopefully metaphorically speaking). Let them defend your honor. Let them help you do a chore (even if it's not done your way), lift a weight, or reach up high. Let them adore you and brag about you. In so doing, you are respecting them as provider and protector. Rather than being on guard and assuming the worst in their intentions, presume the best of them. Men naturally prefer to excel, succeed, and win. Given the chance, they'll do so with you, too; they'll prefer to do a good job, perform their husbandly tasks efficiently, and seek the honorable path. It's not that men don't mess up, but that if they're expected to mess up, they'll do it more often. If their wives assumed that they intend the best, despite any mistakes, men will tend to live up to that, too. Respect their intentions.

Respect isn't costly. All it really takes is some conscientiousness and love. Look for opportunities to respect your man, and you'll be investing in him in great ways. In return, he'll respect you more, treat you better, and give you the things you desire (e.g., romance, delegated authority, freedom and flexibility, even material gifts).