Bush names Smokey the Bear as special envoy to France.

Rumor has it, the French are considering asking for NATO and U.S. troops to help control the "riots". I say, let's do it! We'll only have one condition: France is annexed by the U.S. as its penile--er, penal--colony. Well, to be more precise, Paris gets walled off as the penal colony, while the rest of France (the nice ones) are heavily armed. The country-French may be given full authority to shoot-to-kill any Parisian coming over the wall. Perhaps they'll even grow a backbone. Naturally, we'll discontinue their socialist programs while keeping the taxes high. This tax revenue will be shipped to mainland U.S. to pay off our debts.

I think it's a win-win. The Parisians can keep their little cesspool (along with all our violent criminals); the French living in the countryside learn to defend themselves and can continue making wines; all the U.S. debts are paid; and no longer will the French have an identity of their own, ending a century of utter stupidity.